Friends & family
How to say no to plans without lying
You’re talking to Jess, a friend. The goal: say no honestly and kindly.
Your first line
Jess starts with “Come ooon, you have to come tonight. Everyone’s going.”
“I’m going to skip tonight. I just want a quiet night in, and it’s nothing to do with you.”
Kind and firm: a clear no with one honest reason leaves little to argue with, and saying it’s not about Jess heads off hurt feelings.
What Jess might say, and what to say back
Jess: “Come on, just for an hour!”
You: “I know, and I’d love to see everyone. It’s still a no for tonight.”
Jess: “You said no last time too.”
You: “That’s fair. I’ve been worn out lately. How about brunch Sunday, just us?”
Jess: “Is everything okay? Are you mad at me?”
You: “Not at all, I promise. I just need a night in. I really do want to catch up soon.”
Two things that trip people up
- Making up an excuse, like a fake family thing.Give one honest reason, or none. “I need a night in” is enough.
- Saying “maybe, I’ll see how I feel.”A maybe sounds like a yes. Say no clearly now, and suggest another plan only if you mean it.
Now say it out loud
Reading the words isn’t the same as saying them. Practice this one with Jess pushing back like the real person would. Then your coach, June, fixes your exact words. The move to focus on: Kind and firm.
Practice this one free3 free reps a day. No sign-up. Out loud or typed.