Friends & family
How to tell your parents a big decision
You’re talking to your mom. Sunday call with your mom. She doesn’t know your news yet: a move, a new job, a change of plans. The goal: share your decision, your reasons, and what you need from her.
Your first line
“Hi Mom, I have some big news, and I wanted you to hear it from me. I took a job in Denver, and I’m moving in March.”
Start soft, then say it as a decision, not a question. It tells her you’ve thought it through and you want her with you on it.
What your mom might say, and what to say back
your mom: “Are you sure about this?”
You: “I am. I’ve been thinking about it for months. The job is a real step up, and I’m excited about it.”
your mom: “What about money? How are you going to manage?”
You: “Fair question. The pay covers rent there, I’ve saved three months of expenses, and I have a place lined up.”
your mom: “Why didn’t you talk to me before you decided?”
You: “I know you worry, and I love that you care. I needed to make this one myself. Now I’m asking for your support.”
Two things that trip people up
- Asking permission for something you’ve already decided.Say it as a decision, then what you need: “I’m not asking you to agree. I’m asking you to be in my corner.”
- Getting defensive at her first worried question.Answer the worry with your plan: money, timeline and a backup.
Now say it out loud
Reading the words isn’t the same as saying them. Practice this one with your mom pushing back like the real person would. Then your coach, June, fixes your exact words. The move to focus on: Start soft.
Practice this one free3 free reps a day. No sign-up. Out loud or typed.