Friends & family
How to tell a friend they hurt your feelings
You’re talking to Riley, a close friend. At dinner last weekend, Riley made a joke about you in front of everyone. It stung. The goal: say what happened and how it felt, without attacking.
Your first line
“Hey, can I tell you something? I care about us, so I don’t want to sit on it. That joke at dinner about me living at home stung.”
Start soft: saying why you’re bringing it up tells Riley this isn’t an attack. Then name one moment, not a pattern.
What Riley might say, and what to say back
Riley: “It was just a joke.”
You: “I know you didn’t mean it to hurt. It still did, especially in front of everyone.”
Riley: “Everyone was laughing, though. Even you.”
You: “Yeah, I laughed along. I didn’t know what else to do. Honestly, I felt embarrassed.”
Riley: “Why didn’t you say something that night?”
You: “Fair question. I froze. I’d rather tell you now than let it sit. Can we skip that topic in front of people?”
Two things that trip people up
- Calling Riley mean, or listing every joke they’ve ever made.Stick to one moment and how it felt: “At dinner, that stung.”
- Saying “everyone thinks you went too far.”Speak for yourself. Start with “I felt,” not with what other people think.
Now say it out loud
Reading the words isn’t the same as saying them. Practice this one with Riley pushing back like the real person would. Then your coach, June, fixes your exact words. The move to focus on: Start soft.
Practice this one free3 free reps a day. No sign-up. Out loud or typed.