Friends & family
How to say no when family asks to borrow money
You’re talking to Nate, your older brother. Your older brother still owes you from the last time you lent him money. Now he’s asking to borrow $500. The goal: say no clearly and kindly, without a long excuse, and keep the relationship.
Your first line
Nate starts with “Hey, so... I hate to ask again, but could you spot me five hundred? Just till the end of the month.”
“I love you, Nate, but I’m going to say no this time. I can’t spare $500 right now.”
Kind and firm: a clear no in the first sentence and one honest reason, with no “let me see” that he could hear as a yes.
What Nate might say, and what to say back
Nate: “Come on, it’s just till the end of the month.”
You: “I hear you. It’s still a no. I can’t spare it right now.”
Nate: “I’m going to pay you back, I swear. Both of them.”
You: “I believe you want to. There’s still the $300 from March, and I’m not adding to it. That’s my answer.”
Nate: “Wow. Okay. I didn’t think you’d say no to family.”
You: “I know it stings. You’re my brother and I love you. It’s still a no on the money.”
Two things that trip people up
- Saying “let me see” or “maybe,” which sounds like a yes.Say no in your first sentence. You don’t need a long excuse.
- A lecture about how he handles money, or apologizing until no becomes yes.Repeat the same calm no, and say you love him. Offer other help only if you mean it.
Now say it out loud
Reading the words isn’t the same as saying them. Practice this one with Nate pushing back like the real person would. Then your coach, June, fixes your exact words. The move to focus on: Kind and firm.
Practice this one free3 free reps a day. No sign-up. Out loud or typed.