Friends & family
How to set a boundary with a parent
You’re talking to your dad. After Sunday dinner, where your dad made another comment about your job. The goal: name the comments, ask him to stop, and say what you’ll do if they keep happening.
Your first line
“Dad, I know you mean well. But when you comment on my job at dinner, I feel judged in front of everyone. Please stop.”
Kind and firm: you name his good intentions, the specific comments and how they land, all without calling him names.
What your dad might say, and what to say back
your dad: “I’m just trying to help.”
You: “I know, and I’m glad you care. It still doesn’t help. Please stop commenting on my job at dinner.”
your dad: “I’m your father. I can’t say anything now?”
You: “You can always talk to me, just the two of us. The comments in front of everyone are what I’m asking you to stop.”
your dad: “You’re too sensitive about this stuff.”
You: “Maybe. It still hurts. If it keeps happening, I’ll head home early. I’d rather not, so I’m telling you now.”
Two things that trip people up
- Calling him controlling, or bringing up your childhood.Stick to the specific comments and how they land now.
- Dropping it after the first “I’m just trying to help.”Repeat the same request calmly, and say what you’ll do if it keeps happening.
Now say it out loud
Reading the words isn’t the same as saying them. Practice this one with your dad pushing back like the real person would. Then your coach, June, fixes your exact words. The move to focus on: Kind and firm.
Practice this one free3 free reps a day. No sign-up. Out loud or typed.