Relationships
How to tell your partner something’s bothering you
You’re talking to Casey, your partner. Something has been on your mind for days. Casey is half-watching a show. The goal: say what’s on your mind and what you need from them.
Your first line
“Hey, can you pause the show for a minute? Something’s been on my mind, and it matters to me.”
Start soft: you get their full attention and say why it matters before anything else, so you’re not talking to someone half-watching TV.
What Casey might say, and what to say back
Casey: “Mm-hm. Yeah, totally.”
You: “I need you here for this one. Can you pause it for five minutes?”
Casey: “Wait, is this about me?”
You: “It’s not a blame thing. I just need you to hear me out, and then we can figure it out together.”
Casey: “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”
You: “You’re right, I could have. I was nervous to bring it up. I’m saying it now because I want us to be good.”
Two things that trip people up
- Starting while they’re half-watching, then getting upset they’re not listening.Ask for their full attention first: “Can you pause that? This matters to me.”
- Hinting, or saying “you always” and “you never.”Say one specific thing, how it felt starting with “I,” and one thing you need.
Now say it out loud
Reading the words isn’t the same as saying them. Practice this one with Casey pushing back like the real person would. Then your coach, June, fixes your exact words. The move to focus on: Start soft.
Practice this one free3 free reps a day. No sign-up. Out loud or typed.